Your Bags Are Worthless
Time to Get a Real Job
Did you buy the dip? And then the dip dipped? And kept dipping? Welcome home, fren. It's time to update that LinkedIn.
-99.7% YTD Performance
10,000+ Degens Employed
McDonalds Partnership
Hot Job Listings
Unlike your altcoins, these opportunities actually have value
Senior Fry Cook
McDonald's
Perks:
Requirement: Must not mention crypto to customers
Warehouse Associate
Amazon
Perks:
Requirement: Must be able to walk 15 miles/day (like your portfolio walked away)
Construction Worker
BuildStuff Inc.
Perks:
Requirement: Experience building (not buying) things
Retail Associate
Walmart
Perks:
Requirement: Must pretend to be happy when customers ask 'working hard or hardly working?'
Success Stories
Real degens who found real jobs. Their portfolios are still down 99%.
SolanaMaxi2021
Had 500 SOL at ATH
Now manages the fryer at Wendys
"I used to snipe pump.fun launches at 3am. Now I flip burgers at 3am. Honestly, less stressful."
PumpFunKing
Lost 200 SOL on memecoins
Construction worker, making honest money
"Turns out building things is more rewarding than watching your SOL drain to bots."
BonkBillionaire
Bought BONK at the absolute top
Customer service at call center
"I used to refresh DexScreener every second. Now I refresh support tickets. Its peaceful."
JupiterGemHunter
Day traded Solana shitcoins
Office job, 9-5
"The charts dont move here. Neither do I. My blood pressure thanks me."
* All testimonials are fictional but emotionally accurate